Stress like fuck. Hate that this is happening. Please don't give me bullshit stories because I don't buy them anymore. It does not matter anymore. I will back off. You will be happy with her. Do whatever you want. Drink, drug.. I don't care no more. I'm just somebody you were using. How cruel is that? If she does not want you back then it is your karma for being such a bitch. If you can have two girls by your side, two girls to loves you. I can get to girls to walk off from your life. If you can hide things from me for that long, I can find things out myself. If you think you are good at lying, I am better at finding out the truth. You chose to do this, you knew the consequences. Second chance don't just come when you ask for it. Your consequences, you have be responsible for yourself. If you say you regret then it is to late. You should have knew better who you were messing with. You should have come clear with me because when I found things out myself, it will be more worst then you expected. I told you before, behave yourself and don't busted me. You took my words lightly, you see now where things has gone to? This is the beginning, there is still more for you. You did a good job by hiding things but you forget then I'm way smarter. 

Always been the same.

It's always sweet at first. It's always romantic at first. Everything you want your love to be he will be at the beginning. He will text you every minute. He will call you every night. He will tell you how much he loves you. He will tell you how much he misses you. He will priorities you. He will show the world that you belongs to him. He will be the loving guy every girl dreams of.

Then things started to change. 

He is not sweet anymore. Not romantic. A 'I love you' or 'I miss you' is hard to hear from him. A text each day. A call only when he needs something. He put you last. He will hide you from the world. Then he will make you fall in love for him so hard that you can't leave him. Only then you realize, you fall for the wrong want. 

Life's unfair. Is either one of us will get hurt. Is either one of us decided to back off. Is either one of us decided to let everything go. Is either one of us wants the other to suffer on their on. Then you realize this is reality and you can't do anything to change their mind because wants they decide, they will stick to it.

I want you to fall for me so hard, that you become scared to lose me. I want you to dwell in my existence; where a day without me would feel incomplete. I want you to fall as hard for me, as I'll fall for you. I want you to remember me always, and I want you to chase after me when I push you away. I want you to pull me back when I'm trying to leave. I want to feel the reflexes of my own words. I want you to keep me grounded when I've done wrong. I want you to be relentless. I don't want any constrictions in my chest, but the bones that shapes our interest. I want you to fall so hard for me, that you realize you've never even felt this way about someone before. And if I left, I would want every thing we ever shared to make you remember me. I want all the things we did, said, and never got to; to make you remember me by. I want to know you'll fall so hard for me that if a song we shared came up on the radio; it would make you have this sudden sharp pain in your chest. And in those fleeting seconds, I hope you know how much you fell in love with me and how you can't live without me. I hope then, you'll come chasing after me. It's selfish I know, but I want to be the only girl you have your eyes on. I want to be the only girl you actually fell for. I actually want to be the girl you end up with. I want to know you'll fight for me.

Sorry for not updating my blog. I got nothing to write in here. I paitao my watson job because it is way too tiring and my manager's attitude is fucked up. Tomorrow will be going for a briefing for another job with Elina. I hope this job is not tiring la but at least got a friend. I got my 6 days pay yesterday, fucking little ttm. I hope the manager dies a tragic death. Okay, I am so cruel. 

Muz's birthday is in two more days. Finally he is turning 16. I saw Syarifah Aqidah at Jurong Point earlier on. She is damn tall uh and she don't look like a 16 year old girl, she looks like some office worker. Serious. 

I am very happy with myself because I have learned to let go. We are still in touch but as friends only. I moved on, he did too. I never knew I could let it go so easily, I guess you never know unless you try. For now, let things be as it is. Imma happy little girl.

I hope 2 weeks come as soon as possible. This is hell for me. Okay fake, I am not suffering just yearning. Okay bye.

I am veeeeeeeery exhausted/tired/restless/dehydrated when ever I am working. Can I quit? But if I quit, I'll be abandoning my friend there alone. Guess I should just continue and see how much money I can earn.

20.10.2010

I decided to take a day off tomorrow( which is actually today since it passed 12am) because I am seriously very lazy to work in the afternoon. The time will go slower, trust me. I will have to take mc tomorrow if not I will be terminated. It is already 4.02pm and I am still not sleepy sia. Nbcb. I dont know what to blog, bye.

I also want to pierce there. My first pay I do my nails and do that piercing. I promise that is the last one.

I thought we were on the way. Then one day you changed. You just started to drift away. Suddenly, I saw you with a different girl. Being all sweet with her. My heart just exploded. I don't know what to do. My world just shattered into pieces. I stood there, looking at you two. Then, you saw me, my tears falling like there was no tomorrow. YOU DID NOTHING. NOT A SINGLE THING TO STOP THOSE TEARS. You just looked at her again and cuddled her.

Omg, this is it! God damn it.

I finally got the time to blog. I have been busy working lately. I did not know that working was this hard. I feel like quitting already sia. I might quit after my first pay. So many problems have been happening.

So Hanis and I have officially broken off, this time for real. I would state the reason here but It is like spoiling his name. Okay a clue, he busted me. Enough? It is like unfair to me because I did so much for him ( only god knows how much I did for him) and this is how he repay me? I sacrifice so much and he did not appreciate. It is like you don't mind travelling from Singapore to Aus to meet your love one, eventho it is just for an hour. It is hard getting over it but I am still trying. I don't know how things end up this way. If only he had gave me the password this would not have happen. It is like drowning a lady for no reason. You get it? The words I said to you is nothing compared to the pain you caused. I wish you got treated the same way you treated me because I really wish you would taste my medicine and come begging for forgiveness from me then only I would point my middle finger right in your face.

Enough of that. I am trying to get over it. For now, I got nothing much to say. I am so tired, tired of everything. I am not trying to spoil your name. I am just saying what I feel.

Tomorrow I'm starting work, first day of work. Pathetic hour. I don't know if I can do it. But the pay worth the traveling. $200 for 5 days, you tell me who don't want? And the person who interviewed me is fucking rude. Okay bye.

Hanis's 125z.

Admitted to hospital :(

Brothers.

His injuries.

Shiok sendiri without bathing.

His favourite lame cartoon.

Nice anot I tie?

Midnight pictures, my eybag is like 12345kg.

On the 8th of Oct is officially the last day of my N level = last day of secondary school life ( if I'm not promoted) = happiness= freedom. I'm sitting for my F&N at 230pm later on. The first thing my sister did when she gets home from school is throw all her books away. I also want to throw but scared I next year promoted how? Haha, I wish. I want to do my nails, I want to perm my hair!

So much of freedom, I can't move so much because my leg is being a bitch. Most people might know what happen to me but mine aren't serious, Hanis one is damn serious. I am not going to type what happen here because it is seriously not important. My sister has found a job, so much of wanting to work but I have to wait till my leg gets better. I am sincerely sorry that things happen this way and you have to suffer instead of me. The doctor say there will be a scar on my leg and maybe hand and I am fucking sad because my leg will look ugly with shorts or skirt. Serve you right Rita. Once again, I am sincerely sorry.

So F&N paper was hard, and I don't understand a single word they say. What's over is over right? I went to Hanis house on that day, stayed till 2am like that uh? Then on Saturday also go Hanis house, his dad want to go for business trip. Hanis friend came, -__- . Stayed Hanis house on Saturday and Sunday. Everyday the house got people come visit him want eh, a bit injuries also make a big deal. Lol. Saturday Hanis and I slept at 5am, we talked about his past, my past, our past. Nice you know. Woke up like 8+am because his grandfather came, then must teach Hisham maths. I just do for him la, so sleepy eh. Sunday which was yesterday slept at 630am, used the computer then talk awhile before sleeping. If I could throw his laptop, I would. Lazy want to ask Hanis so many question liao la, always the same shit -_- I woke up at 1130am, wash up and head home. Go into Hanis room to tell him I'm leaving, guess what he was doing? Snooooooooring~ I have to like shake his head to make him wake up want. Hanis told me to come his house later because he wants to eat but confirm wake up very late want la. 

More at another site. For now, I'm going to crack my head. Bye.

I promise even if I feel like giving up, tired. Even if I feel useless and hopeless. Even if I feel sad and stressed. Even if I'm pushed to the edge and feel like dying.  I promise I'll get <19 points for five subjects. 

IT'S TWO FUCKING DAYS BEFORE THE SECOND PART OF N LEVEL.